The Study of Caring; Trial and Error

A short story written by Sierra Madden

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Ethan wasn’t someone who doubted his work. He was, in fact, someone who understood how

important it was to separate work and personal life. This proved to be difficult, however, when Simone decided to work in the same laboratory as him. 

“Hey.” Simone leaned over Ethan’s shoulder, watching him write volumes of solutions into his notebook. When she spoke, he flinched slightly which caused the ‘L’ in mL to swivel. “Whatcha doing?” she asked, sitting on the chair next to him in the small office that branched off from one of the main labs in the building. Ethan rolled his chair back to the desk diagonally from his, going through the drawer to find white-out. 

“I was writing down some procedures for tomorrow. I have to prepare some solutions for the perfusion,” he explained, leaning back over his notebook, carefully covering up the dancing L. He turned to her and gave a half smile, “You think you could help me with the solutions tomorrow?” 

“Am I allowed to do that?” Simone twirled a pen she found on the desk like it was a baton. “Tamsin said I wasn’t supposed to work on the same project as you. Conflict of interest and all.” She rolled her eyes, spinning the chair like a child. Her day tended to end earlier than Ethan’s, leading her to wait for him or look for lab chores to do.  

“You aren't supposed to do procedures for the project. Help with the solutions should be fine. The interns have winter break so I could use an extra set of hands.” Ethan shrugged and closed his notebook, placing it on the rack of identical composition notebooks labeled with different years.  

“Well, if you say it's fine then it should be fine,” Simone beamed, hanging up her lab coat. “See? I told you it wouldn’t be that bad working in the same lab,” she teased, “I am even useful to you.” 

Ethan let out a small laugh and grabbed his bag before walking out of the office with Simone. He let his hand rest on the small of her back briefly as they made their way across the hall, sneaking a small kiss on her forehead. They went to a separate office with large windows. Ethan knocked softly on the edge of the door.  

“Hey, Tammy, we’re heading out for the night. Simone’s gonna help with the solutions for the prefusion lab and then I’ll start the cell harvest after lunch?” Ethan leaned in the doorway. Simone rocked back and forth on her heels across from the door. 

“Didn’t I tell you to stop calling me Tammy?” she said, not looking up from her computer to him. 

“Uh, probably, but Calvin calls you Tammy, so why can’t I?”  

“Because Calvin is my lab manager and you are just a lab tech,” She finally closed her computer and sighed looking up at the two. “You can call me Tammy when you get your research done and have worked here as long as Calvin has,” she said with an almost too sweet smile.  

“Fair enough,”  

“After you do the harvest, don’t forget to submit the cell counts. It’s our last trials before approval to move." Tamsin stood up and stretched her arms above her head, causing her back to crack. Simone had joined Ethan in the doorway, suddenly more interested in the conversation.  

“Approval for the clinical trials?” Ethan shot Simone a look, looking down at Simone like a bird on a perch, warning her to not get involved. Simone shrank out of the doorway and back into the hall slightly. Ethan worried Tamsin wouldn’t allow Simone to help if she showed too much interest in the case. Ethan and Tamsin’s research involved a possible cure for liver cancer, something that could highly benefit Simone’s sister, who had been struggling with the disease for a while now.  

“Not that it’s any of your concern, since you aren’t on the project, but yes, Simone, if it gets approved, we will move on. It’s a big if.” Tamsin grabbed her coat.  

“I’ll make sure to get it done.” Ethan gave a small nod before moving out of the doorway.  

“Bye, Tamsin!” Simone smiled, taking Ethan’s hand and walking towards the stairs. When they got to the exit Ethan offered to drive despite not liking to drive. He knew that Simone was aware of the fact and knew that she would drive even though he offered.  

“Do you want pizza tonight?” Simone adjusted the temperature in the car and turned on the heated seat. Ethan buckled up and plugged his phone into the aux. He scrolled through his phone, finding Simone’s playlist, ‘Simone at the Wheel’.  

“Pizza sounds good. I’ll order.” Simone sang along with the music and Ethan watching each street sign they passed. He wondered when it would snow again and if the specimen lab would need more heating lamps. 

Ethan had started working in Tamsin Roger’s lab when he began his graduate program two years ago. He’d graduated at the top of his class and was published in three journals by the end of his master's, with the help of Tamsin as his mentor. Yet he still felt stuck, working on a project he wasn’t even sure would get through to human trials. When he had first pitched to project and possible medication, it was just an idea to help his girlfriend’s family, not for him to run. 

Simone pulled to the curb and struggled to parallel park in front of the small apartment building. “You have the backup camera, you know,” Ethan offered, looking at the small screen over the radio.  

“Gotta stay sharp on my driving skills. The cameras make you lazy and don’t catch blind spots.” Simone straightened the wheel after finally getting into the spot. She turned the engine off and smiled at Ethan. “See? I did it just fine without the camera, be proud”   

“So proud.”  

Simone and Ethan lived in a small apartment on the second floor of their building. They had moved in together when Simone started her graduate program a year after Ethan. When they walked into the apartment Ethan hit the light switch and the dim lights of the kitchen flickered on.  

“Lemon!” Simone called out as she walked to the kitchen and grabbed the small glass container with homemade treats of carrot and catnip Simone often made for the cat. Their unbothered light orange cat with white ears lurked into the room letting out a morphed meow mixed with a yawn. He sat down in front of Simone, his tail flicking with inpatients. Simone bent down and placed a few treats onto the floor where he happily snacked away. This was something Simone did every time they came home from work.  

“Your cat is going to get fat,” Ethan muttered as he went to the kitchen island and pulled out his computer. 

“No, he’s not. Just very well fed.” Simone giggled and scratched the cat’s lower back, causing him to lift his butt up and wiggle his tail. “You notice he is only my cat when you find it convenient? Are you working already?”  

“I want to get a head start on some data. It will only take a few minutes,” Ethan typed equations into a spreadsheet. Simone leaned against the counter across from Ethan and looked at the computer. Without thinking Ethan moved his screen slightly. 

 “Sorry, I was just curious.” She went over to the cabinets and grabbed two plates for when the pizza came. Ethan watched her try to look busy and act uninterested in what he was doing. He hated not sharing things with her, especially when it was something she was interested in that he didn’t feel comfortable talking about. Work wasn’t something they ever talked about much. It made it especially hard when the research related to her sister’s illness. Talking to her about it felt like more pressure to succeed. He watched her take her brown curly hair out of a claw clip and retwist it to do something with her hands.  

Ethan felt awkward in the silence. “Are you gonna visit you sister before work tomorrow?” he asked, peering over his laptop at her.  

“I think so. Depends on how she's feeling.” 

“I bet.”  There was a moment of eye contact that made Ethan uncomfortable.  

“You know it's not because of Sylvie.” 

“But it is.”  

“I am a researcher, just like you, Ethan.”  

“For different reasons.” Ethan treaded carefully in the conversation. 

“You think its for Sylvie but why can’t I just be curious about the work? Why can’t I be smart enough and responsible enough to trust?”  

“I trust you.”  

“Do you?” Simone looked at Ethan, her dark brown eyes searching for answers he wasn’t sure he had. “You act like I don’t know the rules. I know I can’t get involved because of my sister but can’t you see how you’re treating me different for just wanting to learn?”  

“I trust you.”  

“Then start acting like it.” Simone gave him one last disappointed look before retreating to the bedroom. Ethan sighed and rested his head on the counter. Work was meant to be work, not personal. Lemon jumped up on the counter and rubbed his body against the edge of the laptop.  

“Not now, Lemon.” 

 The doorbell rang, and Ethan got up to get the pizza. He thanked the deliverer and went back to the counter, placing two slices on each of the plates. Balancing both the plates on one arm and his laptop in the other, he made his way to the bedroom, where Simone was scrolling on her phone, scrunched up in the corner of the bed with pillows and blankets. He placed the plates down on the desk across from the bed and opened his laptop up to the spreadsheet he was previously working on. Simone looked over at him and furrowed a brow.  

“This column is the specimen number. When we do the cell harvests on the rats, we count how many hepatocyte cells survive and regenerate. If the survival rate is higher than fifty percent then it means the drug is working in the diseased cells and the liver is regenerating like it should be. I compile the averages and the final average must be about 95% to get passed to the human trials” He tried to explain everything he could to her, feeling like there was something to prove to her. “This project is everything to me Simone. I want it to go well. I want to help people like your sister, and I think I really can. But talking about it without makes it to real. Like if I mess up it doesn’t just effect me but also you.” 

Simone stared at the computer screen and then back to Ethan. She went over to him and closed the laptop and kissed Ethan.  

“I get it. I’m sorry. Thank you for explaining it to me.” She hugged him, burying her face in his side. “I believe in you.” He pulled her in tighter and kissed the top of her head. 

The next day Ethan woke up to an empty bed and a text from Simone saying she’d left early to go visit Sylvie, and that he had to drive himself to work but that she would be there to help with solutions by ten. He rolled out of bed and went to the kitchen to make coffee. Lemon sat on the counter awaiting more food. “You’re not getting anything from me. I know she fed you,” he patted to cat who he could of sworn looked annoyed at him before he went back to the bedroom to get ready.  

When Ethan got to work, he went to the office where Calvin, the lab manager, was writing the schedule of lab chores on the whiteboard for the week. “Last day for specimen labs, my friend. Excited?” Calvin looked back to Ethan from where he stood at the board. Ethan sat at his desk and took his laptop out, placing it in the middle of the desk, and his notebook to the left of it. To the right of his computer, he placed two pens and three pencils all aligned in a tight row.  

“Define excited. I need a turn around on these cell counts. This project is holding on by a thread Calvin. If I don’t get a good cell count today the treatment won’t go to clinical trials,” Ethan explained, anxiously sharpening the pencils to a fine point.  

“I’m sure it will work out. You’re a smart kid and have worked hard. You could have the next big treatment for liver cancer. Or not. Either way you’re doing important work. Give yourself more credit.”  

It didn’t matter how much he was reassured. Ethan didn’t know how to fail. He double checked the solutions in his notebook and checked the time. He could check on the rats and change their bedding before Simone came to help him work. “Well, I’m gonna go take care of the rats. See you at lunch man.”  

“See ya,” Cavin said with an enthusiastic smile, and continued to write on the board as Ethan left. Ethan made his way down the hall to the stairs to go to the basement where the specimen lab was held. 

He handled the rats with care, nurturing them in every way to make sure they had a good life. It was something Tamsin lived by. If a creature’s life was used for science, it’s important to make sure the life was well lived. That was the hardest part of working in research. To make it all worth it. Ethan spoiled the rats more than his own damn cat.  

After changing the bedding and refilling the water in each cages, Ethan returned to the office and wrote updates on the rats into his notebook, checking the time frequently. It was past ten. Simone was late. He picked up his bag and looked for his phone before he realized he had forgotten it, Simone usually being the one to remind him to grab it. He tried to rationalize why she would be late. Probably just catching up with her sister.  

The day dragged on. Ethan should have been excited to be wrapping up the first part of his research. To make breakthroughs in research. So why wasn’t he? Was it because Simone wasn’t there? Because there was pressure to do well? Because it could help Simone’s sister?  

Ethan went to Tamsin's office and sat in front of her desk, letting out a huff. Tamsin looked up from her computer and tilted her head.  

“May I help you?”  

“Do you know where Simone is? I forgot my phone and haven’t heard from her.” 

“Did you finish the final cell harvest?”  

“Yes. It’s unlike Simone to be this late. Otherwise, she would have told me or been concerned when I wasn’t answering. Then again, I guess she would have figured I forgot my phone if I wasn’t answering.”  

“How about data count? It has to be put in by the end of the day.”  

“Its almost done. I just have to send it to the board. Why aren’t you answering me?”  

“Because its none of my business.”  

“Tammy come on. I’m worried.”  

“Simone is okay she took a personal day. I am sure she texted you. Not my fault you forgot your phone.”  

“She obviously contacted you though. What did she say?”  

“That she can’t make it today.”  

“Tammy, I know she said more than that.” Ethan stood up and put his hands on Tamsin’s desk. Tamsin closed her computer and gave him her attention. “I’m not use to not knowing what’s going on.”  

“She didn’t want you to worry.”  

“About what?”  

“Ethan...”  

“About what Tamsin?”  

She hesitated to answer. Like it wasn’t her place.  

“It’s her sister. She’s just not doing well so Simone stayed with her for the day. She didn’t want you to worry on your last day of research but she did text you. Probably assumed you were busy.”  

Ethan processed and then left the room “Wait Ethan, give her space” he continued down back to the office and sat at his desk, staring at his computer. Calvin had come back with a stack of paper, which he divided into three desk drawers.  

“Calvin, can I borrow your phone real quick?” The lab manager happily obliged and then continued on with his tasks. He typed in Simone’s number and impatiently awaited the dial. 

“Hello? Calvin?” Simone’s voice sounded confused. 

“No, it’s me.”  

“Ethan! Did you forget your phone at home again? I really should glue that thing to your hip,” She sounded relieved to hear him but also stressed. 

“I know, I know, I’m sorry. Is everything okay? Tamsin told me your sister really isn’t doing good. Really the worst day for me to forget my phone. God, I can be a dummy.”  

“Gosh, I told her not to bring it up! I realized you forgot your phone and I didn’t want you to stress more about me or Sylvie.” Ethan could hear Simone say something briefly to someone in the background, but he couldn’t tell if it was Sylvie or a nurse. “Sorry about that. Yeah, she isn’t doing great. I was going to go in to work but I just couldn’t bring myself to leave. She’s having a really off day.” Lately it was feeling like those days became more frequent.  

“Should I stop by? I am pretty much done for the day. I just need to submit to datasheets and get the results from the cell counts but I can do that back at the apartment. Say the word and I’m there Simone.” She hesitated, probably checking with her sister to see if she even wanted to see Ethan or just be alone with her sister but proceeded to tell Ethan to stop by the hospital if he had time, but not to worry about it if he had too much work to do. 

 Ethan was quick to let Tamsin and Calvin know that he was heading out but would get all the work submitted by the end of the night. When he got to the hospital, he had to wait for Simone to get permission for him to come up to Sylvie’s room since it was past visiting hours, and he wasn’t technically family. She walked down the hall with him, her small hand in his, telling him about how her sister had seemed to be doing well in the morning but proceeded to get worse as the morning went on.  

Sylvie greeted Ethan with a weak smile and reached her hand out. “E, you made it.” She said and squeezed his hand as he sat down in one of the foldable chairs next to the bed. Sylvie had gotten much skinnier from his last visit, the color of her skin, tinted with yellow. He could tell she gave up on wearing makeup to hide the discoloration, Simone and Ethan being the only ones to ever visit anyway.  

“Sorry I couldn’t be here sooner.” Sylvie exaggerated some expressions of distraught and betrayal before laughing with her sister who sat on the edge of the bed next to her.  

“So, Simone told me you finished up your big shot research study today. How’d it go?” She asked, all smiles.  

“You know I’m not supposed to talk about that.” Ethan leaned back in his chair and looked around a bit. “But between you and me,” he leaned in “I think it might work. Only the numbers will tell.” Both girls looked at him hopefully. He made eye contact with Simone and his heart felt a bit tighter looking at those brown eyes. He needed the data to work.  

“Even if it doesn’t work at least the world will know what not to do.” Sylvie said with a shrug and grabbed her phone from the nightstand next to the hospital bed. “oh, that reminds me, my old classmates sent me these graphs and were hoping if you could look at them for their class assignment. I fixed them up a bit but figured I would have you take a second look.” Sylvie passed her phone to him and he looked at the graphs that seemed to be for a high school biology project.  

Simone looked offended “You do know your own sister works in a lab too, right?”  

“yeah, but you handle all their financial stuff and help with lab chores like an intern. Ethan is published! I trust his graphing skills a little more. No offense.” Ethan could tell that Simone did take some offense but didn’t let it show to her sister.  

“You're just looking for excuses to talk to my boyfriend.” Simone teased. Sylvie made a gagging face that caught Ethan off guard, gaining a small chuckle out of him.  

“Gross. He’s like six years older than me. You can keep him.”  Simone and Ethan stuck around the hospital for a few hours before they headed back to their apartment. Ethan left about an hour before Simone. He sat at the counter petting Lemon who did figure eights to keep getting scratched in the same spots. When Simone returned, Ethan went over to her and hugged her tightly, resting his chin on her head.  

“I’m sorry I wasn’t around to help out at work today. I know you don’t really need the help but I was excited you asked and-”  

“Stop talking Simone,” Ethan mumbled and kissed her forehead. “You shouldn’t have to explain yourself. I know things have been weird between us and that I messed up not talking to you about the trials.” He let go of her and looked at her with a smile. “But everything is going to be okay. Your sister is going to be okay...We are going to get her into the clinical trials, and they will give her a fighting chance I just know it.” Simone’s eyes widened.  

“The trials were approved?” 

“No, not yet. But I am sure they will be. I have to go input the data from today, but the numbers have been so close. They have to be good enough to get in. We only need fifty percent.”  Simone kissed him.  

“You’re a genius Ethan! Ugh, I knew you could do it.”  

“It’s not certain yet I-”  

“Just think of how happy Sylvie will be! Even if it doesn’t help she knows that but it’s a fighting chance and she really needs that hope right now.”  

“Simone I still don’t kno-” 

“I have to go talk to my parents about it.” She kissed him again and beamed with excitement. “Oh Ethan I love you.” Those deep brown eyes pierced his heart, all full of hope. She ran off into the bedroom with Lemon moving quickly behind her, which left him alone.  

He pulled out his laptop and set himself up at the counter, opening his spreadsheet and then the files containing the cell counts from that day. He hadn’t checked the results from the cell count at the office when he found out Simone wasn’t coming to work. He needed this to work. All he needed was fifty percent of the cells to regenerate for the data to be accurate, for them to at least consider the human trials. He opened the file which brought up a graph with various dots spread around a scale, the percentage hanging in the bottom left corner.  

48% 

Only two percent off from what he needed. “Damn it.” he clenched his fist. It was so close, and he needed it to be closer. He sat there staring at the numbers, at all of the past cell counts that always seemed to be enough and give him hope of succeeding. Lower numbers he pushed to the back of the mind, just a weak rat or the cells didn’t get washed enough to be read during the perfusion. He had to believe that the medication he helped design worked. For the most part it had been, so who would even notice if he changed a percentage or two to fit the data more accurately? 

He pushed the thought from his mind and grabbed some water. He heard a chime and looked over to the charger port in the corner of the kitchen where his forgotten phone sat. When he opened it he saw the missed calls and texts from Simone earlier that day which made his heart sink, then a text from Sylvie. He hoped Simone hadn’t already mentioned something to her.   

Sylvie: Hey E! Simone told me that ur research was good and that I might to be ur next lab rat. Shes really excited can’t wait. 

Sylvie: Thx again E for working so hard. I knew you’d figure something out. Guess Simone chose a good one. TTYL 

How was he even supposed to respond to that. How was he suppose to tell her that it wouldn’t happen because of two percent? He went back to his computer and stared at the data again. He didn’t plan on having to tell her that. Ethan selected three of the weaker data points and shifted each one up by three percent. Enough to ensure that the data passed to be inspected for trial but also where no one would really notice.  

Lemon returned to the kitchen and jumped up on the table. He let out a meow and sat next to the computer. His green eyes stared at Ethan, as if judging him. “Don’t look at me like that.” He stroked the cat and closed the computer. “Everything is going to bed fine.”  

~ 6 months later ~ 

Ethan leaned forward, his elbows rested on his knees, eyes locked on the meeting door ahead of him. His heel tapped continuously on the floor. The meeting door opened, and a frustrated Tamsin emerged. Ethan quickly got up and rushed to follow her down the hall.  

“You can’t let them do this to me Tammy,” Ethan begged, “This could ruin my whole career; I won’t be allowed to ever work in a lab again.”  

“It’s Tamsin” she growled “And as you should be. What do you want me to do Ethan? You put the lab in jeopardy with your mess up. I mean what were you even thinking? Did you even consider how this would affect the rest of the lab?”  Tammy turned into her office and went to close the door. He stuck his foot in the door to stop it.  

“You know I had no choice.”  

“There’s always a choice Ethan and you know that. When you decided to take on research you knew the ethics behind your actions, and you still decided to do it, and for what? To look good? For your girlfriend? We could lose our grant money for this lab because of you! This section of the lab could be shut down.”  

“Listen, I know it was wrong, okay? I panicked. So many people were counting on this treatment, but we were down in the numbers and I-”  

“There is no excuse to forge numbers on research. Do you know how dangerous that is!” Tammy yelled. Ethan could see the interns and other researchers listening in the hall. He closed the door to the office and stood on the opposite side of the desk from Tamsin, picking at the skin of his nailbeds. “Why would you risk our funding? All of the work. Hell, why would you risk your own damn career? You have had so much going for you these past years. I just really don’t understand what you were thinking Ethan. Did I not teach you better? Have I failed as your mentor?” Tamsin’s voice was shaky, and Ethan couldn’t tell if it was because she was mad at him, disappointed, or both.  

“C’mon. Don’t pull that on me. I know what I did was wrong but I honestly believe that the numbers were close enough that the data I put in is right.”  

“Don’t give me that bull Ethan. There is no way you actually believe that!” 

“Stop yelling Tamsin please. Everyone is going to hear.” 

“Let them hear how you screwed them over!” Tammy yelled while slamming her hands on the desk. “You were caught, and I can’t save you in this.”  Ethan saw the disappointment. He failed her, and there was no making up for it.  

“Will the trial at least still go through? When they review it further they have to see where is was only two percent off from approval.”  

“The project will be scraped. Once data is tampered with we aren’t allowed to touch it. It’s over. Now get out.” Tamsin went and held the door open for him. 

“You can’t let them do this,” Ethan said in a lowered tone. She didn’t respond, and held the door open, avoiding eye contact. He went to walk out but took a moment and then turned back to her. “You know I gave a lot here. I’ve never messed up. I’ve been good. Now I lose everything for this?” 

“Get out of my office Ethan.” Ethan shoved the door open and stormed through the halls with his head hung low. He caught a glimpse of Simone who went after him.

“Ethan wait.”  

“Not now Simone.” He couldn’t look at her. He was angry. At her. At Tamsin. At the board. He got in the car and sat there staring at the wheel. “Dammit...” He cried and hit the wheel with the palm of his hand. He was someone who knew how to separate work and life so when did it blend together? He never should of started that project with Tamsin. 

Ethan drove around for a long time despite never liking to drive. He didn’t know where to go. He didn’t want to go home. He had no job to go to anymore. He felt lost. All he could do at this point was drive. Without thinking he ended up at the hospital Simone’s sister had been at. He got out of the car and looked up at the large building and debated with himself for a while before deciding to go in.  

Sylvie was on the third-floor writing in a notebook when Ethan came in with cheap flowers from the gift shop. It looked like she already had some of the same ones which made him feel embarrassed and insensitive. The nurse let her know she had a visitor and she looked up to Ethan with a big smile. “E! I didn’t know you were visiting today. Is Simone with you?” She asked and took the flowers from Ethan with a thank you and put them to the side. Her condition hadn’t changed much but she was skinnier than ever, the whites of her eyes tainted with a yellowish color.  

“She’s at work still.” He said softly. Sylvie sipped at a cup of water on a tray next to her bed.  

“Well is was nice of you to come visit” She beamed, trying to position herself in the hospital bed to face him. “You haven’t come in awhile. Simone says you’ve been really busy. Something about helping the interns now that your research is over. Which we are still so proud of by the way.”  

Ethan bit back a sob, one tear escaping and falling down his cheek. He looked down at his lap. His heel tapping on the ground. “You shouldn’t be.”  

Sylvie tilted her head trying to see his face. “You okay Ethan?” 

“The trials...they didn’t work. I was so close Sylvie, so close.” He looked down at his hands. He had everything he could have needed or wanted. He loved his job. He loved his girlfriend. But now he had no job and part of him blamed his girlfriend and her sick sister.  

“I don’t understand Ethan. Simone said tha-”  

“She was wrong. The data didn’t add up. It was wrong. The numbers weren’t consistent on file. I screwed up.” She looked at him disappointed but gave an attempt at a smile.  

“W-well that’s okay. I mean we knew it wasn’t a one hundred percent shot of it passing. But now we know, right? Now research can be done to continue?”  

“You don’t get it Sylvie.” Ethan stood up, and went to the window. “I screwed up. I got too involved. The issue with the data is me” He didn’t look back at her but he knew she pieced it together.  

“You mean you?”  

“yeah.”  

“Like actually?”  

“Yes, I changed the data to get passed. It was so close Sylvie. Less than two percent off of what I needed. Simone said you were doing worse and you needed this to work Sylvie”  

“Hold on a minute Ethan you’re not saying-”  

“I changed the data to make sure you had a fighting chance. You are going to die either way and I needed to give you a chance for Simone. I changed the data for Simone and lost everything because of it.” he let the words fall out of him like a confession to a priest. He saw the sadness in her eyes and it felt like a stab in his chest.  

“Are you blaming Simone and I saying we made you? Cause you know I accepted my fate a long time ago.”  

“I don’t know who else to blame Sylvie. I don’t think I ever would have done this if you two weren’t counting on me so much. Research has been everything to me. It wasn’t until Simone everything became complicated.”  

“Thats because you love her.”  

“You don’t think I know that?” He said and started to settle down a bit. Sylvie moved over and patted the side of her bed for Ethan to sit. She took his hand and looked at him with her dark brown eyes that reminded him of Simone. “I hated that I failed her” He didn’t want her reaction to his mistakes or the disappointment.  

“Ethan...I get why you did it. You wanted to give Simone and I hope. But you can’t blame us for your mistake.” She looked down at their hands and at the skin that was pulled at Ethan’s nailbeds. “You gave Simone hope. That’s all she really needed. I know I am going to die. I don’t know if Simone will get passed that. But you can’t blame each other for not saving me. I need you to take care of her.” She looked at him with a sad smile. “You have a good heart Ethan. You’ll have to forgive yourself for this.” she said as Ethan cried. He sniffled and took his hand away from her.  

“But what do I do now? Everything I’ve worked for is gone. I am pretty much banned from practicing Science.”  

“Like I said, you have a good heart and want to help people. There are other ways to do that. You’ll figure it out.”  

“And if I don’t?”  

“You will.”